April 10, 2013 § 2 Comments
A month – a date.
Somehow – whenever I think of a date and dates cross my path, I cannot help but think of a specific date that burned itself into my memory.
18 june 201x
The day I lost a camera.
The day I was mugged. The day I changed. It made me more aware, much more aware of my surroundings when I am detouring, walking, photographing.
This is what happened. It is history, it is the past.
Nevertheless it did something else for me, something that will most probably be with me for a long time: when I lost my camera, I lost images as well.
Images that I took on the English coast during a workshop I did with the CUCR.
Ever since then, I have been trying to recreate those lost images. I never went back to Bognor Regis where the images where taken. I never went back to Southend and Margate. I never went back to the places I created memories at. I only go back to them in my memories.
A German rapper recently released a song called “Bilder im Kopf” – “images in the head”. at the moment it is on the radio all the time.
The chorus goes like this:
In einem schwarzen Fotoalbum mit nem silbernen Knopf,
bewahr ich alle diese Bilder im Kopf,
(“In a black photo album with a silver button, I keep all the images in my head”)
And then he says:
“ich hab es konserviert und archiviert; ich habs gespeichert, paraphiert und nummeriert; damit ichs leicht hab, denn ich weiss genau, bei mir läufts nicht für immer rund, doch was mir bleibt ist die erinnerung”
(“I conserved and archived it, I have save, initialed and numbered it, so that it is easy for me; because I know that everything will not always go well and be perfect for me, but what remains are memories”)
Whenever I think of the images I took that day, I keep seeing (some of) as if they were on the screen in front of me. I am aware that I have this photo album in which I store images I took. However, whenever I try to recreate these images, to find them again, it seems that I can never capture them.
I make full use of the technology available. Of the virtual archive, the one memory – the online memory – that seems to never forget.
I try to organize images I find and I find myself looking for the images I took that day. Somehow I feel like I am curating something, that cannot be curated properly and acoordingly to what I see in my head.
Maybe this is a somehow impossible task that I am trying to achieve and complete. Maybe it is completely unnecessary to try to recreate photographs as the subjective, individual experience of actually taking these pictures now lost, is lost as well?
But maybe I am working on something bigger. Maybe I am learning to understand how the vastness and huge number of images “out there” can do something for me.
Sido – “Bilder im Kopf”
and examples from my memory “the lost images”: